What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
