i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
