Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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