kristin has been a bad kristin
I think my fart just growled at me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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