i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
