so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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