meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize