im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nutella sex= disaster
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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