This is not my ceiling
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
