fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
