So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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