I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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