ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I smell stomach acid.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
