my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
