Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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