Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
