What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
