There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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