im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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