Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
