who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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