i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
