I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
