Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
