she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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