the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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