I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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