my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
