Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
