Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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