Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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