there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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