Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
