sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
