I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
