I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
