Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
