Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
