Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
