We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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