i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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