So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
