Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
