Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
