The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my liver is dry heaving
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
