i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
