All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
