he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
