What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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