i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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