I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
