walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
