thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Someone came in the potted fern
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
