finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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