Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
