I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
