zippers are such a cool invention
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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