she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
