Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
