meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
