She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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