But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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