just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
