her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
