my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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