I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
